"Saya temui damai abadi dengan kehidupan baru. Inilah yang saya cari selama ini. Tiada yang lebih manis daripada mencintai Rasulullah dan Allah". (Amer Munawer Yusoff, 2011)
Siapa dia Amer Munawer Yusoff? Kenal Ruffedge? Dia lah dalam kumpulan Ruffedge. He's quite famous in the group. In fact, I used to like him. All of sudden, no news from the group. Heh, macam lah saya cara sangat pasal artist2 neh. So one day, as I browsed through youtube, I came across his music video, Seluruh Mahabbah. I was speechless to see the 'new' him. Alhamdullilah. This morning, Iluvislam posted something about him. Above was the extract taken from IluvIslam. Frankly, I could feel how he feels. It feels as if you are just converted into Islam. Nah, I am a pure Muslim. But when it came to the real practise, I failed. I am still trying and looking and searching for the light and signs.
Last week I received a wall message from my ex-school mate. She wanted to see me as she said I've changed a lot. Change? I do not know in terms of what. But I believe I've changed. For the better, InsyaAllah. Do you know how?
I don't blame my parents, as not everybody is perfect. I could say I excelled in islamic studies but it was just for the sake of examinations. See! We NEED to change the system! Knowledge is something that should be applicable in and out the classroom. Ok, skip that part. In fact, when I was in primary school, I wanted to be a motivator like Ustazah Norbayah. Just looking at her, made my heart melt. Seriously I am not joking. But as I grown up, the ambition kept on changing. Lawyer. Doctor. From year to year.
When my mom asked me to pray, I pray without knowing the purpose. Without feelings. It was just a ritual. Shame on me. Sometimes, I skipped. Until my high school. I wore tudung just for the sake of wearing. Looking at others, I felt shameful. I wanted to COVER MY HAIR as well.
In my foundation year, one of the ustaz wanted to meet me in his office. He scolded me as my attire didn't reflect the REAL ISLAM. Yeah, I was rebellious. When he gave me free tazkirah, I said deep in my heart " MY PARENTS WOULDN'T RECOGNISE ME IF I DRESS UP PROPERLY"! Astaghfirullahalazim. Lord, Forgive my wrongdoings. :(
Most of the people around me had found their SEOULMATE! No! I want a boyfriend as well! To cut short, I had 2 days relationship with my classmate. ALLAH. The next 2 days I broke up with him. Thanks to Him as he didn't poison my heart with this kind of relationship. But, the CRAVING for a boyfriend did not stop. I adore one of my juniors. Feel like telling him how i felt. The feelings keep on growing each day even though I am no longer in maktab. Since I am in twinning program, I need to spend 2 years in one of the universities. Meaning, 2 years I wont get to see him. Sometimes I misscall him. yeah. So childish.
Early 2010, my mom offered me to attend ESQ. Yeah, the one with controversies. It's expensive. I know. Thus, I just said Ok, I'll attend. Little did I know, it would have a big impact on me. Thanks to ALLAH the Almighty as through this event I've got to know the REAL LOVE better. no words can describe it except ALHAMDULLILAH.
Coincidentally, the event started on the first Muharram. The 3 days event, really opened my heart not only eyes. BASIC as a muslim. But I even failed the basic. Tears flow like a river. Nah, I wasn't fake it. It really happened. Put aside the shyness, as we are all His Khalifah.
After the event, I didn't stop to look for more knowledge on Islam. I felt as if I am a Mualaf. The feelings was soooo great. Allah, thanks for let me taste the sweetness of falling in lover over and over again. But now to You and Your Messenger.
I started to change the way I dressed. Firstly, I looked up for the definition of aurah. How to dress to cover my aurah. I googled about socks whether it is in syarak or not. Yes, leg is aurah but socks are not the only answer how to cover our aurah. I went to the nearest outlet and grabbed myself a few pair of socks. I know people seemed quite shock but they didn't tell. Graduation day was just around the corner. There were a few booths selling 'Muslimah Attire". I was hooked with Muslimah T-shirt. I bought a few pairs. At first, I felt awkward. Really, because it was my very first time. Without noticing, I started to look down those who didn't cover their aurah. Astaghfirullah. Even though my niat was good as I wanted to amal makruf nahi mungkar, but I felt as if I was too extreme. I totally forgot that I was one of them. And all of sudden, it reminds me of an event happened to our beloved Prophet in Taif where the people went against him. Do you know what Muhammad did? He didn't fight back instead He made du'a that one day Taif people will see the light. :(
One day, I've received a phone call from my Mama. She asked me "Dik, do you want to perform Umrah with us this March". I was like speechless. I've never imagined I would be given this chance. But, in March I need to sit for exams. I kept on praying that I would be given this chance to perform umrah in June. Alhamdullilah. He answered my prayers. In June, my parents and I went to Jeddah-Medina-Mecca.
It was undescriable. Tranquility. I managed to be in Raudhah. I managed to send a few salams from my friends to our beloved Prophets. Tears flow without noticing it. He had done a big job for His Ummah but His Ummah seems to forget all his sacrifice. We say we love him but will he love us if he see the Ummah nowadays?
After three days in Medina, we made a move to Mecca y bus at night. It took about 3 hours to reach. SubhanaAllah. The first time seeing Masjidil Haram, I was speechless. I couldnt say a word. After taking our bath, our mutawwif asked us to gather at the lobby as we would be in haram. Along the way I was silent. Not even a word I uttered. We are grouped. Those experts will be in one group others will be lead by our mutawwif. First time seeing Kaabah, I didn't cry as others claimed to be. The next day I cried like a baby. I didn't manage to kiss Hajrul Aswad but I helped those Pakistani. Nothing weird happened. After tawaf, we need to perform solat sunat. People tried to look for multazam since it is one of the most mustajab place for du'a. I didn't as it was cramped with people. I only managed to touch the silver lining. :) I performed the 2 rakaat. After salam, I faced Kaabah and I was shocked as I faced the Multazam without noticing it. Tears. Tears. Alhamdullilah.
SubhanAllah... Muslims all over the world with one path.
Peace be upon you Ya Rasullulah.
The whther was too hot. Thus I opted for the niqab. The white statue marks Jabal Rahmah where Adam met Hawa after years of separation. Du'a for my jodoh here :) InsyaAllah.
Kaabah our qiblat. Multazam is in between Kaabah's door and Hajril Aswad.
In Masjidil Haram. The small containers are for Zam Zam. Alhamdullilah. Managed to drink it everytime in Haram. PErform wudhu with it as toilets are just too far away.
I think I know how it feels when Mualaf says they feel bliss once converted into Muslim.
I feltbliss once I've reverted into Muslim.
Oh Lord, don't let this feeling disperse.
If before I couldn't break into tears listening to Sirah, now Alhamdullilah I could feel the hardship.
In solat, I talked to Him as if there will be no tomorrow.
I don't regret those sins I committed as it made what am I today. Without those sins, I think I will never ever be humble to Him. Without my past sins I will never feel dependent to Him. But, don't always be in maksiat, my dear friends. LEt's our life ends with husnul khatimah.
Friends, do embrace Islam. Be a good Muslim.
The purpose of me writing this piece, is not for showing off but to share my experience. After 23 years of living, I've got to know the real Islam. The real LOVE. The real Ummah.
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